This Is It

It's terrifying to me that one day I could be asked why I believe what I believe and not have an answer. So today I sat in Math class and truly thought about it. I sorted through tons of questions searching for an answer to each. Why do I think there is a Creator? Why do I follow him? Why do I believe what I believe? How do I know he has a plan for me?

If I am completely honest, I pursue this relationship with God because it gives me purpose. If I didn't feel like I had purpose I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be alive anymore. If this life was all that existed, why should I still be here? What purpose would I have? A girl whose family deteriorated. A girl without a father. A girl who basically believes she wasn't enough to keep her father to stay.  A girl who can't get herself to talk to her father now because she's afraid she'll just be talking to the alcohol he drank not long before. What purpose can she have? She's no help so why keep trying, keep living?

So this is why I am who I am. He gives me purpose. Because of what I believe, I know that the bad that has happened will be for the good later on. I do have a purpose. And another smaller reason would be love. I do feel it. And what's more, it won't fail me like my father.