i like more than the naan

in art, i'm drawing a picture of a little indian girl. she has got these big, round eyes that are infused with hazels and golds. she has an innocent smile that makes you want to just give her a hug. she has a cute little nose with a nose ring on the left side and a hole on the right for another possible piercing. she has black kohl around her eyes and dots of the kohl on her cheeks and her forehead. she is beautiful in her forest green shawl covered in threaded peach flowers. she just embodies culture. she embodies india's culture.
every time i go to class, i'm excited because i can look at her for an hour trying to perfect the drawing i am creating. and the time i spend drawing, i also spend daydreaming of the day i will go to my beloved country. its just a little bit bad that i'm drawing this because i just want to go now. but its good too because i love it. its building my love and passion even more for these people. i truly think that my heart is the shape of india. i wouldn't be surprised.

tick. tick. tick.

i think that my image or picture or thoughts or perception on certain people are changing. i think its good. i know its good, actually. thats all i have time to say.

oh yeah, i want to go to india.

update

I'm feeling so up and down. I go back and forth so many times, I'm neutral. I'm not really. I'm starting to believe that life is supposed to be like this. I feel like a pile of turd one day; the next day, I'm just fine. I know you can't always be happy and always have a fantastic day. I know that sometimes, satisfaction is enough to make your day despite the icky happening at the moment. I mean, I can honestly say that I am completely content in my life. I do not know what is going to happen in the future AT ALL, but I'm so sure its going to be good.

I'm not sure how often, I'm going to be writing in this now. I'm slowly moving back to pen and paper. We'll see.

help

i think...that i need someone to push me into the things i'm afraid of doing. and the things i am afraid of doing..are just about everything. there is too much where i will be rejected or where i will fail. it is all so scary. but there is so much i want to do where those two things could possibly be inevitable. i know now that i can't make myself do these things--whatever they are--on my own. i'm not that person anymore.
can someone help me?
i don't want to miss out on what could potentially give me so much joy. i don't want to live life never trying anything because of what i fear. i don't have to be that person that i was before, but i can at least become something more than what i am.

comme des enfants

i've been listening to french music lately. i positively love coeur de pirate. even if you don't understand french, it is absolutely beautiful.