You're My Beautiful Mess

The other morning I stood before my stove making Swedish pancakes. There I would pick up the bowl of batter and let it slosh and glop about the sizzling pan. I was extremely excited to taste my perfectly made pancakes until I had to flip it. Lying on the hot pan was an ugly, wrinkled mess and I, for some reason, thought it would taste absolutely horrible. Yet when I had finally decided to take a bite, I was chewing the most decadent pancake I had ever beheld in my life. I never had thought a pancake could be decadent, but dear me, it was. Though, what I realized was truly the best. Just two little thoughts.

1) I have an even deeper appreciation for the workmanship of
humans (if that is possible).

and

2) There is a such thing as a beautiful mess.

How absolutely perfect are we made? How positively beautiful and intricate are we? I can hardly make a lousy pancake, but there is someone who can create a wonderfully magnificent human. But sometimes we look at eachother and just pick out the flaws. The only aspect of someone that is visible to us is the mess. Except, aren't we all beautiful messes? So, take the chance, take a step closer, get a taste of a person; you start to enjoy the person. You see the beauty that lies there seeping within the mess.

You Are Goodbye

I remember here.
I remember you and me.
I remember wild and wild and free.

Playing together, having fun, laughing.

I remember stay.
I remember please don't ever leave.
I remember you made me believe.

You are good, good, goodbye. You are goodbye.

That tomorrow and today the sun would hold our hands,
But the night came into stay while you made other plans.
I remember time.
I remember days slid into you.

You were everything to me.

Building lifetimes thinking you'd be here,
But tomorrow and today, well they misunderstood
And you went along your way.
I think you're gone for good.

You are good, good, goodbye. You are goodbye.

If

"If you can keep your head when all about you

are losing theirs and blaming it on you;

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,

but make an allowance for their doubting too;

If you can wait and not be tired of waiting,

Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,

Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,

And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream--and not make dreams you master;

If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;

If you can meet with triumph and disaster

And treat those two imposters just the same;

If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken

Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,

And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings

And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

And lose, and start again at your beginnings

And never breathe a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew

To serve your turn long after they are gone,

And so hold on when there is nothing in you

Except the Will which saids to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virture,

Or walk with kings--nor those the common touch;

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;

If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute

With sixty seconds' worth of distance run-

Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it

And--which is more--you'll be a man, my son!"

-Rudyard Kipling

Where am I going from here?

"This girl is long
gone...

Gone like the wind
under Superman's cape

Like the thief in the
night, I make the great escape."

I'm so done with this place. I'm leaving when I can. I see absolutely no point in staying in a place full of contented people. One full of contented people who don't want to do anything except live their contented life. What happened to actually wanting to do something in the world? What happened to stepping out of our comfort zones and caring about those outside of your circle? There is nothing here. There really is nothing here. What can I do for someone who is too content with their idyllic life? Nothing.

That happens to be a big problem because I want to do something. I want to change someone's life. I'd rather bond with someone amidst suffering than sit alone in my contentedness. The world needs people to feel not ignore. I don't know what is in my future, but I feel like God wants me to go somewhere else. He wants me to do something in my life that will mean something. And that is actually something I want to do too. So my itty bitty town, where do you think I'm headed? Right now I have no idea, but it most certainly won't be here.

You know, if I ever do settle down, California seems like a very unlikely destination. Honestly, I'd be so full of joy if I could sit amongst unperturbed wilds back in the boonies of North Carolina, on top of rolling hills in Wyoming or Montana, nestled in the forests of the eastern Appalachians. There I could actually savor the beauties the natural world contains as opposed to concrete schools and factory fumes. But before I can even make it there, I want to care. I want to care for the ones who feel uncared for.

"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, it's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life's realities."

-Theodor Geisel

Up in the sky, random puffs of white float. Around and around, a dog chases his tail. Minutes go by, and soon our clothes are folded just right. To our perfection, girls spend consuming amounts of time styling their hair. Opera anyone?

What is this world? It is absolutely absurd. So how can we be so serious? How can we think life to be so mundane, so boring. I just think about these few little realites and I just smile. I laugh!

zoned.

I feel like people get really creeped out by me. It makes sense I guess, so I shouldn't be complaining. But I can't help it that I'm staring at someone. It isn't because I'm some stalker or creeper or whatever you want to call it. It's because I find creation so intriguing and humans are apart of creation. The different shapes and lines forming a face. The multiple shades mingling together in someone's eyes. The lines and dimensions of a muscle. The stark contrast between the shape of a male's or female's body. I realize that I'm sounding a little odd; but really, it is ahmazing how much creativity can be seen. God is so ridiculously creative. It just makes me smile. We're all so completely different. I love it. So I guess I'll apologize in advance for the next time I seem to be creepily staring.