i never knew that the effword was an acronym

um....i feel confused all the time. right now, i'm just not a fan. i mean, i guess i've started to realize that life is just confusing, but i want something that's black and white. when i read my bible at night, i've been reading romans eight over and over, night after night. its good. i really like it. there's a verse that tells me that its ok to be frustrated with everything around me. it tells me right after that there is hope. except there's a loophole. (God does that sometimes...) its says that hope is something that is not seen..because hope that is seen is no hope at all. how does that work? well who hopes for something they already have? exactly.
so, back to black and white. i've been in this weird funk lately where i'm just ...not here. its been this weird out of body deal. example: i was driving the other day and i thought i saw myself driving in another car. --ok maybe that's not what i mean, but i really don't know how to explain it. lately i've just been observing people, listening to people more, really paying attention. it has just been bizarre.
oh, life. oh, confusion.

dealing with the parts of yourself that are dark, and icky, and gross, and dirty, is no fun. it isn't that enjoyable to think about. but at the same time it feels good to know that you're acknowledging your faults to where you can better them.