chronicles

slowly creeping up is the day that i turn seventeen. i hate being sixteen. it just feels like an icky age. it's like that age where you're supposed to demand for everything you want because you're at such a "special" age. i don't know if i'm the only one who perceives it that way, but that is the deal. i'm totally over it. time to not be this age anymore. i've gotten to the point where i've been telling people i'm seventeen. i'm not for the record. not yet.
each day and each week and each year is another step closer to the freedom i'm craving so much. i really cannot wait. i'll finally be getting my license which means a lot will be opened up to me. you know what else? i'm going to india next year. i will go. i'm getting a job, and will save up my money for it. i can't believe i actually have the opportunity to go. the excitement for that fills every cell inside of my body. my mom gave me a calendar the other day that has pictures of indian people and i fell in love with the people and country all over again. looking at the picture of october, the child's eyes brought tears to my own. i can hardly wait til i am able to be next to or holding a child whose eyes are so beautiful also. on top of that, those eyes will have a name. that is what i want--a name to the beautiful beaming face before me.
i've been drawing a lot more than i normally have. it has been a little weird. i feel so far away from the world when i draw. a lot more than before. but then i have moments where i need to wait days before i can go back. it is just so weird... and now that break is over, i can hardly draw if i want to. i don't like where the time is now being given to. i feel out of my body when i'm in school. i'm there doing the work, talking to the people, but i'm not there devoting my entire mind to the day. i guess it is ok. i'm almost at the end. there really isn't that much left.
i spent my christmas break at home. not many people were home either so i was sitting at home a lot, not doing too much. i realized more than ever how much my best friend means to me. seeing her today at school for the first time in awhile felt so good. it just felt right again. since she was in guatemala i couldn't even talk to her, but i love the joy that guatemala has given her. i'm praying that she never forgets anything.
but yeah, like i said a few sentences ago, it just felt right that she was back. everything hasn't been feeling right. it has all been so different. a lot of things just keeping happening that i don't understand or can't do anything about. the past two weeks haven't really felt right. so this feeling is good. i like it.