please.

a glass of wine. maybe a little bit of vodka. just what's needed to loosen up a bit, right? "i love you, chloe." i can't help but sit there and laugh. i wish i could believe you. i really want to. but all you've done is make those words a mere joke. a sick joke, really.

i took a moment this time to look at you. really look at you. it has been so long. too bad i had to sit in a courthouse to even get the chance. i haven't been missing out, though, have i? tired eyes and greying hair. an ugly suit and a bitter misdemeanor. i do love you; there is no doubt in that. but i don't like who you are and what you've become. honestly, i'm pretty sure you know you're like this. and i don't think you like it either.

the thing is, you're not going to change. not until you acknowledge something needs to be fixed. and until you do, you're going to stay like this. maybe 'til the day you die. but i really hope that isn't the case. i'm praying that won't be so. because i really care. i would be lying if i said i didn't. why do you think it hurts that you have never, once, apologized for the pain you put me through?

something i've learned is that if you suppress and avoid and ignore all the people and vices and temptations that are destroying you and ripping away your true person, one day you'll wake up to never have the chance to know who that person is. in place of it comes a sticky, black heart. maybe an icy, cold heart. a heart like that isn't even a heart anymore--just a skeleton of what it was, and what it could have been. maybe there's a few maggots feeding on the carnage.

there is still a way out. i believe you still can turn away from this. but you have to give it all up. every last bit of it. to the One who will do no wrong, will perform no perversion. the only One who can take ugly so far gone and still make it beautiful. even an ugly khaki suit. i promise it's true. he did it for me.

look at me, really look at me, for once. i'm stuck in the middle of this too. i didn't even have the choice. but i'm content. in fact, i have joy in my life. oh, i really hope you will open your eyes. each tear that falls from my eyes is a plea. and then another. and yet another. please.